The List: Day 6

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?


This is a tough one because there are a couple up there at the top...

Leaving medical school is definitely up there..... That was probably the worst couple of months of my life.... and I definitely didn't handle it well.... I was just so unhappy for such a long time and it was exhausting... I constantly had circles under my eyes... I never slept... I started doing badly on exams because I couldn't focus or wouldn't focus... I hated going on rotations... I hit a deep depression and meds wouldn't help me at all... I would cry for no reason or someone would give me a reason... I hated Erie and the town and the fact that the sun refused to shine more than a couple times a year.... I broke up with one boyfriend just to get mistreated by the next... I ended up leaving and never going back.... I came home one night sobbing and told my parents I didn't want to do it anymore... I collapsed into bed for a few weeks and lost a few pounds... I had completely let myself down and had failed epically at something that I had wanted for my entire life... I had wanted to be a doctor since I was a little girl and I never imagined hating it so much... I wasn't ever a bad student in school and here I was on rotations refusing to study because I just needed to not think about everything that had happened throughout the day... I was miserable but yet I was miserable that I had given up... even if it was for the best I couldn't wrap my head around it... I couldn't accept that I had failed so miserably at something..... Eventually I got up put myself back together and made some new decisions... I took the GRE and applied to graduate schools within a week of their deadlines and I got a job waitressing to hold me over until graduate school started... I applied to 4 programs and got into 2 of them and obviously I decided on Miami... I still feel a pang of sadness occasionally when I think about what could have been but then I remember what could have been and some of  the sadness goes away...
The other tough one is a little too personal for today and Ive opted to not write about it so we are gonna stick with the above memory as the tough one...


God Bless~!