Wednesday, January 11, 2012

why I wear my cross

first off I'd like to thank everyone who has been checking in on me and thank you for the wonderful feedback and comments. I've received a lot of positive feedback and comments either via facebook messaging or email so I want to thank you all for your support

I'd also like to welcome Anne and Amanda to the Blogging world. I hope you get as much out of it as I do. Anne, you are strong beautiful woman and I know you will be fine with the upcoming move and everything :)
Amanda, congrats on your progression I am very happy for you!

This is gonna get religious so if you aren't interested quit reading here. So today I was posed with a question at work: "Why do you wear a cross everyday? how are you so sure God exists" It was a great question and I feel like God was talking to me and asking me to evaluate my beliefs and my love for him. I am very open to other people's beliefs because I believe everyone should believe in something but my beliefs are very close to my heart. For those who didn't know I wear a cross around my neck 99% of the time. If you ignore my awful hair in this picture you can see the cross here:

I was given this cross by my mother when I really needed it the most and at a time in my life when I was furthest from God. I have always liked the poem "Footprints" so my mom found me a beautiful cross with the quote "It was then that I carried you" written on the back and small footprints walking up the front. In case you are curious of the poem:

Well anyway back to the matter at hand:
This poem always gave me a sense of calm "It was then that I carried you" there is just something about that phrase that reminds me that I'm not alone in this world. no matter how dark things seem sometimes there is someone there guiding me and holding my hands. Don't get me wrong I have a wonderful support system from both my friends and my family but you can't avoid what goes through your head and what gets stuck in your mind. There were nights last year when I felt like a failure in life because I wasn't going to finish the medical school path and there were nights that I felt like the world was caving in on me but I could pull myself out of it because I knew somehow I would get through it and wasn't alone. And even when I really was alone I still didn't feel quite as lost and lonely. After so many family deaths in the last couple years coupled with the change in location and career and the fact that I hurt my very best friend (you know who you are and I hope you know I am still sorry and love you very much) over something that never should have happened, led to a deep despair in my life and sometimes I think my faith is the only reason I survived sometimes. Sometimes when I go to church I feel the priest is talking directly to me and I know that is divine ideas into my life sent from somewhere up above.

Then the question was posed "What about Catholicism" Well that one is a little bit more tricky: I've had a lot of midnight conversations with my dad discussing our beliefs and although there are things I don't agree with I can't deny that it is a part of my life and the Church and my church family have been there for me through the years. I can't even imagine going anywhere else. There were over a hundred people at my baptism and confirmation and almost the entire congregation came to graduation party to support me. They have and will always be family.

Then the final question was posed "With things like war, terrorism, tornadoes, and hate in this world how can you believe in something like God". Well that's an easy one- How will you ever appreciate a rainbow if it never rains? You have to have the bad to appreciate the good and how can you ignore all the good in this world. These are some of the things that remind me of God's presence

- My nieces and nephews and their absolute innocence when they smile up at me

- Sunsets and sunrises: the beginning and the ends of each God given day on earth

-The human brain: it takes in all the colors and objects you see, the temperature around you, the pressure of your feet against the floor, the sounds around you, the dryness of your mouth, even the texture of your keyboard. Your brain holds and processes all your emotions, thoughts and memories. At the same time your brain keeps track of the ongoing functions of your body like your breathing pattern, hunger and movement of the muscles in your hands. The human brain processes more than a million messages a second. It is an amazing piece of art and science will never truly understand it all.

- The earth: its millions of things that live on this planet and the million other things that allow their survival

- My parents: Unconditional love- need I say more?

- My siblings (and siblings-in-law): we fight we argue we love each other and would die for one another

- Goosebumps: have you ever heard a story about a couple in love, or a person seeing an angel, or people discussing a miracle and you get goosebumps and a small shiver down your back. I think that's God's way of saying "hey ya, I did that... cool huh" Its one of the million ways a day he talks to me

- Music: When the radio seems to be playing the exact song you needed to hear that day or the song that seems to explain your life perfectly

-School: I seem to fit here for some reason, I really love teaching and my research is going very well. I feel happy for the first time in years and if I hadn't lost so many things in my life I would never be here right now. I could be graduating in June with a degree I have no desire to use or be miserable but instead I am here in this podunk little town living the life I enjoy. Had to get through the bad to get to the good.

- Phil: Yea I know this is where I get corny but he was my lifesaver and I know it was divine intervention that brought us together. When I watch him with his amazing family and see the love they have for each other I know God is there. When I see him studying and focusing so hard and when I see how incredibly smart he is by the things he has built or the ideas he has I know God's real. He is the most incredible man I've met and I know I'm lucky to be in his presence. And especially when he holds me in his arms and I find that perfect little spot on his shoulder where I seem to fit like a jigsaw puzzle piece I know something is different and its something I haven't felt before and its like I already know this was God's plan for me all along. I was taken through times of trial and suffering to bring me here to this place for this purpose. I went through the pain of mean boyfriends, disloyal boyfriends, some good boyfriends who are still friends, and even the loss of medschool and moving out of Erie to get me here to Oxford. There were too many things put in just the right place and the right time to bring he and I together and how could I not believe after that?

-The little things: the little things in life that make me smile. That's why I know God exists

You can tell me I'm crazy and you can say It's a desire to know the unknown but I'm content with my thoughts and beliefs and I'm happy being me.
God is great and so is his works and I am proud to be his child

Jeremiah 9:23-24 Thus says the Lord, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches;  but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises loving kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord.

No comments:

Post a Comment