past to future

I had a funny idea cross my mind this morning and I thought Id share it with you all. So as Im walking to my car this morning I realized how life changes without you realizing it. So every morning I get up and go for a run as Phil goes to work. We leave the apartment together and kiss goodbye and I head to the gym and he heads to work. As I threw my bag in the car to go to work today I realized that I used to throw my bag into the car to go to school.  I remember how incredibly excited I was to finally have a drivers license. I remember going to pick up my friend Teresia to go for the inaugural drive. She had taken me for one on county rd G when she got hers so I picked her up for mine.  It was incredible. Then school started and I drove to school every day often going faster than I should most of the time. I’d park in my designated spot and walk into the school feeling like I owned the place because now I could drive hahah. Now I don’t even think twice about getting up in my own apartment, cooking my own breakfast with food I bought at the grocery store or farmers market, brushing my teeth in my bathroom or heading to work in my car… What a grown up thing to say right? I went to work today…. I mean Ive been working since I was little. I babysat until I was 16 then I immediately started waiting tables which I did until a year ago just to support myself. Some summers I had multiple jobs working at the hospital and the diner or working at the bees and running the school phone system, odd and end jobs here and there just to put myself through school and pay my bills but now something feels different. I wake up to the man of my dreams. I put myself together and run in the morning. Head off to work and come home around five. I cook dinner and eat with Phil before settling down for the night. Sometimes going out to play with him or sometimes hanging out in the reading chair working on my latest novel. Whatever it is it just feels different now. Phil and I talk about houses and rent and mortgages and car payments and gas prices and politics and stuff I used to think was all grown up nonsense. Ive always paid my own car payments and insurance and stuff like that but yet it feels different now… Isnt that the strangest thing?

We went to a wedding this past weekend with his cousin getting married. I caught the bouquet and I couldn’t help but think… She gets to throw this thing to me and she never has to think about catching one ever again… She will wake up tomorrow morning married…. I wonder if she feels different at all or if the happiness just continues forever…. Its just something kind of fun to think about I guess….

Everything I do on a daily basis now…. Will I look back at it ten years from now and have the same conversation with myself that I had this morning… Will I have kids and a home and a husband and will I walk to the car in the morning carrying a sleeping child to take to daycare and look at my car and laugh and say… wow I remember when it was just me coming to the car in the morning and driving to work after waking up at that tiny little apartment in oxford.  Hahahah who knows…. Maybe one day this will all seem like a distant memory just like getting my drivers license seems like it was a lifetime ago…..

Check back in ten years and Ill let you know hahaha

God Bless